Learning About Balance Through My Blind Side
If there is one word that has been haunting me for the past few years it would be “balance.” It was a mantra that my high school teachers, college professors, and family members used to help get me through stressful periods of my life. I kept it in my arsenal of encouraging quotes and messages, and passively referenced it from time to time. Now here it is again, sitting right next me, staring at me...and I have to figure out what to do with it. Yikes.
Let me repeat that: I have to make the choice to live a balanced life. Not my professors, not my family members, not some self-help book giving me a step-by-step guideline. While all of those are helpful, they eliminate the responsibility I have of acknowledging and working through areas in my life that are challenging. Since balance is such a broad topic, I wanted to find a quote that expressed what balance means to me in respect to my professional self. Here is one of my favorites from an unknown author:
“I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities.
I asked for everything so I could enjoy life.
Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy everything.
I received nothing I wanted, but received everything I needed.”
Whether you believe in God or not, the theme of this poem is what I want to emphasize--and it has been said by different leaders, teachers, and thinkers: The greatest power you are ever given is the power of choice. Could it really be that simple? Well, sometimes yes. When we switch our minds from expectation to expectancy, balance becomes a lifestyle rather than a chore--or an ongoing mindset rather than a temporary mission We may not receive the outcome we wanted, but we trust that it was what we needed in that particular moment. For me as a professional, balance is about ownership, and the choices I make determine the type of ownership I have. To give an example, I could easily spend hours working on assignments without giving myself permission to take a break and do something I enjoy--like watch my favorite television show (which, by the way, is Downton Abbey :) ). But then that would mean my assignments are “owning me” in a sense because I am neglecting myself. Whether or not I allow the tasks and responsibilities I have to consume me or determine my overall physical, mental and emotional well-being is my choice. Easier said than done, of course.
Guthrie, Woods, Cusker, & Gregory (2005) identified four key components to balance based on their qualitative research study with student affairs professionals: “Self-knowledge, Intentionality, Commitment to self-care, and Reflection” (p. 119). I find this to be quite helpful, especially as a self-evaluation tool that will help me practice balance as a professional and person. I’ll briefly share how I think I am doing in each of these areas:
Self-Knowledge - Being a perfectionist and introvert make a great combination...sometimes. I’m a very introspective person, which allows me to get to “know myself, and have a good sense of my values and priorities” (Guthrie, et al, 2005, p. 121). Although I have time to develop my personal image, or brand if I want to look at it from an entrepreneurial perspective, I still struggle with have a clear sense of identity. At least one that I can be confident with. I’ve fallen into the comparison trap many, many times--wishing I was someone else, looked like someone else--which resulted in a major identity crisis that I’m recovering from. I still hate looking at myself in the mirror.
Intentionality - Balance is risky. Think about the first time you learned to ride a bike. You hoped that the person guiding you wouldn’t let go as you pedaled, but then you wouldn’t have learned how to balance if they took the risk of allowing you to fall. That is why I think we would rather have others make choices for us rather than ourselves. We fear uncertainty, and for some reason believe there is a guarantee of a more favorable outcome if someone else tells us what to do. But when we shy away from risk, we lose our ability to develop resilience, which helps us embrace opposition.
Commitment to Self-Care - Aside from neglecting to take personal time for fun, I’d say I take pretty good care of myself. For example, I used to be obsessed with running, and now I only run 4 times a week while also incorporating other activities like walking. I eat healthy, cook for myself, and occasionally splurge on my favorite dessert. I know enough when to ask for help from either my professors, or even seeking professional counseling. And since starting grad school, I’ve committed to not depriving myself of sleep. I honestly find the early morning to be my most productive time. Not your typical college student, I know. But this is an area I think I’ve at least felt more balanced in, and I hope to continue these practices once I become a full-time professional.
Reflection - What I’m doing right now, and what I’ve been challenged to do since high school. My favorite time of day is early in the morning, and I make sure to take at least half an hour for “quiet time.” Usually I’ll read a daily devotional with a Bible verse, pray to God, and journal. My faith keeps me balanced, that’s for sure.
Here’s the problem I have when it comes to balance, or trying to navigate this terrifying and stressful thing called “adulthood”: I love encouraging others to be confident in their abilities and accept who they are; and yet I believe I am not worthy enough to receive that same advice. Crazy, I know, but it’s unfortunately true. It’s something I’m working on, and determined to overcome by the time I graduate. If I were to write a chapter in my life’s book about balance, perfectionism would be the antagonist. Her weapon of choice is guilt, which causes me to constantly feel the need to be in work mode and people-please. As a result, I have yet to find other outlets besides school and my job where I can have fun and be a “20-something” enjoying life. Not having friends where I live and being single makes it ten times harder. I realized I don’t trust myself enough to break away from work and take some personal time to just be. Or do something completely outside my comfort zone, like attend a social event with colleagues. These are major concerns as I enter the field, especially if I decide to move to another area. And I know from personal experience that how we handle the conflicts within us determine how we handle the conflicts around us. I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll never defeat perfectionism; but I can learn how to turn it into an advantage, rather than constantly see it as an adversity. Like the bully in elementary school that just wouldn't leave me alone, and kept throwing hurtful insults at me no matter how many times I told her to please stop. Balance tends to test your limitations, but here’s a final thought: instead of asking yourself, “Why am I being tested?” ask yourself, “What am I being taught?” As I’ve shared with my audiences whenever I present “Beyond the Blind Side”: I may not be able to change my circumstances, but I always have the ability to change my response.
Reference: Guthrie, V.L., Woods, E., Cusker, C., & M. Gregory. (2005). A portrait of balance: Personal and professional balance among student affairs educators. The College Student Affairs Journal, 24(2), 110-127.
